(after we spoke on the phone for four hours)
I dreamt that I was curled on a man’s lap
and I felt safe as he stroked my hair
he was big and fatherly and his hands were like paws
the man was sort of ***** but also sort of Spencer Matthews from made in chelsea
he told me I needed to get my left front tooth fixed
and that would make me look better,
would make me feel better
Last Thursday, G and I returned to that dream (sinking in the south of france)
close your eyes and imagine you’re electra in the hole
OK so I’m Electra in the hole
it’s cold and wet in the hole
which makes sense because the hole is in the sand and sand is cold and wet when you dig into it
I realise that the hole is much bigger than it appeared from outside
Inside, its cavernous and I am electra at the bottom staring up to the opening above me
and I can see a small version of me (sophie, not electra) peering in from that opening above.
Below me (electra)
¡a tampoline appears!
I bounce up and down on the trampoline
I feel stiff like a human pogo stick
and cling onto my parasol
and surface through the hole over and over
I jump so high!
and I feel the change of force on my guts
above me are the kitsch blue skies and below me a little Sophie with a face like :S
what happens if I take the trampoline away
Well, now it’s scary
I’m at the bottom of the hole
Which has expanded, or maybe I have shrunk (I cannot be sure)
sophie’s hand reaches in for me
the hand is disproportionately big, or maybe I(electra) am very small (I cannot be sure)
The hand pinches the tip of my parasol and hoists me to the surface, placing me
on the edge of the hole
and I sit with my legs dangling into it.
But I(electra) don’t want to be there
So I let myself fall back into it
Sophie calls to me
- What are you doing
I(electra) do not reply
It is implied that it is not possible to communicate with me/electra, because I am not really present behind my glassy eyes AND because
I am made of plastic.
Then I start moving like a spider , scuttling up the walls and rimming the edges of the hole with my fingers (i look a lot like the girl from the ring, which is a sort of funny to irl me)
Sophie is very worried. She is human and squashy compared to me/electra
I/Electra am sort of charming, impish I suppose, but also irritating, a show off and unafraid
1 Feb 2021
A big, vibrant group of women I used to work with. it was implied that they were french, even though electra was the main character and she is definitely greek and not french. they were extra femme and moved in unison.
i ran in late to a work meeting (the meeting room was light and made entirely from glass) and asked where the big vibrant group of french women had gone.
to the beach! a woman said (she was the leader of the meeting and wore fashionable glasses)
it reminds them of her mother, she added
i was jealous of their naughtiness and followed them out to the beach. it was bright and kitsch there.
along the beach, there were holes in the sand where parasols would enter. Electra was then in front of me clutching a parasol between her hands - she had huge glassy eyes that looked like they belonged to a plastic doll - and she popped herself down one of the parasol holes. She was fully submerged beneath the sand, holding the parasol. Stuck under the ground. Sometimes the little tip of the parasol would bob up out of the hole, and i would try to grab it, but it was so hard to pinch it with my fingers. and then the parasol would sink back down. And up again! I would fail to grasp it :( i woke up feeling anxious and stressed that electra wouldn't be able to breath under the sand
(do you have any associations to the name electra?
Um... carmen electra.... i suppose...
not the electra complex?
no, no i do not have that association)